The Quest For Giggles
by Cricket-The-Duck
Summary: It all started with the Vashta Nerada eating his food...


One: The Shadows are Flirting!

Lucy Saxon was, by most accounts, a very patient woman. She was utterly devoted to her husband, no matter what destructively cruel mash-up of insanity, aliens and pop music he decided to inflict upon the masses. No matter how many hapless, innocent creatures he hypnotised into doing his (usually perverted) bidding.

No matter how many times Harold Saxon, AKA The Master 'invited' The Doctor (sometimes more than one), his companions (always more than one), the vast majority of Torchwood and a woman he simply called 'The Rani' into parliament before shouting, "Orgy!" with a grin on his face somewhere between "charmingly smarmy," and, " I WILL RIP OUT YOUR THROAT WITH MY TEETH." Even then, she still stayed faithfully by his side. _This_ however, was going a tad too far.

"Godamnit Harry!" She hissed as she glared at her husband standing in his ducky pyjamas and 1-up mushroom slippers, beaming broadly, "Just...godamnit." The Master continued to beam at her as he spouted, what was from Lucy's perspective, utter and total bollocks, "Come on honey!" He grinned, "You really have to help me here!" She twitched,

"Harry."

"Yes."

"What time is it?" He looked at the clock and his face fell,

"Three AM."

"And why did you see fit to wake me up at three AM?" He paused and seemed to think on how to phrase it,

"Because there are black things with glowing eyes in the kitchen!" The woman twitched again. She approached her husband.

Within the next two and a half seconds, The Master had been thrown out of the (thankfully open) window, as Lucy stormed back to bed.

The Master blinked from his new home in the rose bush, staring up at the window. He did think that he could have timed his outburst for a slightly better time. Especially seeing as it could be seen as rather outlandish. Ah well, he thought, hindsight's always 20/20...the plants beside him rustled in agreement. The Master pulled himself out of the bushes, wincing all the while as he crawled towards the back-door. He hadn't realised Lucy could slap that hard...Had she been taking lessons from someone? He was just thankful it wasn't close to what The Rani would have done to him.

The Time-lord nearly fell into his house as he opened up the door. It was darker than it should've been-The Master had a habit of leaving all the lights on. He knew exactly what had caused it too...His eyes darted back and forth, observing where the shadows moved to until he spotted. it. Grabbing a whisk, he tentatively approached the shadows, waiting for the flickering lights of the mystery creature's eyes to catch his...

He was not expecting it to jump out from under a chair, panicking and squeaking, directly at his face. The shadows took this as a cue, flinging themselves forwards, directly towards The Master. "WHAT THE HELL?" He shrieked as he ducked from the moving shadows. The creature squeaked and darted around the kitchen, knocking over everything in sight. All the food inside the fridge had tumbled out, covering the floor. The washing machine was another casualty, along with the dish washer. Eventually, it found and escape route. Clambering past the big venison steak, the creature jumped clean through the window. And sadly, this one wasn't open.

There was a shatter as the tiny thing ran off into the night. The Vashta Nerada made a noise, devouring everything in the kitchen before flowing out after the creature.

The Master stood in silence. All the meat was gone. The washing machine was leaking over his slippers. And he realised that the Vashta Nerada, piranhas of the air, had been giggling in a flirtatious way.

Vashta Nerada.

Flirtatious.

The idea of the Vashta Nerada flirting with...well, flirting at all terrified him. The fact that they had followed something because they liked it was even worse.

And they stole all his food.

The Master proceeded to do the only thing his sleep addled mind could find acceptable.

"_**LUCY!" **_

_A/N: Tutups, it is your fault that this abomination is seeing the light of day. All your fault. Okay, that's unfair, it's also my fault for using my free to draw pictures of The Master throwing a heartless into a crack while the midnight thingy and Lucy Saxon look on. _

_But seriously. ALL YOUR FAULT. _

_Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this. I will update Defective Products...eventually. _


End file.
